Want one of the last few?

[swan_tower]

Your challenge is this: give me a creative reason why I should mail you one of my last few ARCs of Midnight Never Come.

And I do mean creative. None of this "'cause I really want to read it" stuff; tell me how, if you have an ARC, you will leverage it for Total World Domination. Or how your kitten is being driven mad by alien implants in her brain and only this book can save her. Bonus points for plausible logic, even if it's entirely nonsensical in its premises.

(I'm looking forward to these answers.)

One or more of those who amuse me the most will get an ARC mailed to them next week. You have until Friday to post your answers here, or e-mail them to marie dot brennan at gmail dot com.

Comments

[novalis.livejournal.com]

I just finished my borrowed ARC this morning, and I am very impressed. People who do not have friends in the book review biz should definitely make up good stories to get in on the grown floor.

[swan-tower.livejournal.com]

Many thanks for the plug. ^_^

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

Queen Elizabeth herself has begun her Spring Progress and shall be visiting (http://joplinrenfestival.com/) a small town quite near my own home. I (http://pics.livejournal.com/everflame/pic/0001ybs7/) have been hired by the Fareham Harbourmaster to attend to a bit of the entertainment. I hear that Drake, the Queen's Dragon, and her Secret-Keeper Walsingham will me among her party, along with all manner of rogues and ne'er-do-wells. While I had been looking to enjoy a relaxing two days of merry-making and ale in the presence of HRM, it was whispered into my dreams these last three nights that there shall be more that just a bit of piracy and mortal intrigues a-foot. For in my dreams I see shadows that flutter without any wind and hear music echoing where none should be. I catch glimpses of the Queen's Huntmaster beside a great white hound, the tiniest of arrows tangle in my hair, and the air is tinged with the spark of moonlight and marigolds.

It does occur to me that the information in your ARC might be of vital importance to my continued survival.

[squishymeister.livejournal.com]

I have recently discovered that there is virus from space that will infect the entire world with a horrible plague of ZOMBIES!

The only way I can stop it is by reading your book out loud into my gizmo-contraption that allows me to communicate with the aliens who are the masterminds behind this plot to take over Earth (once the zombies run out of meeeeats to eats). If I were able to read your book to them, it would distract them long enough for them to forget about their plans to take over the Earth (for they are highly distractible when it comes to works of fiction, especially when dealing with the history of Earthly societies). Plus, they won't be able to figure out if the faeries will want revenge for changing their humans into zombies, which no alien wants (they're greatest threat are the faeries!).

So, you should give me a copy in order to stop the alien induced zombie apocalypse!

And if that's not a good enough reason, you should give me a copy because you won't have to pay for postage to mail it to me. ;)

[brigidsblest.livejournal.com]

Ink and paper and binding glue are a combination of different chemicals in certain proportions. Even with standardized printing presses and binding machines, on a chemical and molecular level, no two books--even from the same press run--are ever precisely alike.

Years of calculations, experimentation, and theory has shown me that the proposed ratio of ink and paper and glue polymers, when mixed together and rendered with certain reagents in just the proper proportions over the right amount of time, will yield a compound that will cure cancer. My calculations show that the book that has that proper ratio is the ARC of Midnight Never Come.

So, if you send that book to me, I will analyze its chemical composition, duplicate it in the lab, and cure cancer.

I'll name the cure after you. Together, we'll win the Nobel Prize. :)

[thespisgeoff.livejournal.com]

Next week is Passover. Passover means I cannot have bread. Not having bread means I cannot fully nourish my body. A body which is not fully nourished can only be mitigated by a fully nourished soul. A fully nourished soul requires brain-bread. Midnight Never Come is brain-bread. Therefore, Passover requires Midnight Never Come.

[amysisson.livejournal.com]

I am conducting an experiment in time travel. The definitive result proving that time travel is possible will be reading a book before it is written. However, every breakthrough in science requires baby steps along the way. First, I will start with reading books shortly before they are published. Then I will read manuscripts before they are submitted to publishers. Ultimately, I will be able to read entire novels before the author has written down a single word, or perhaps even before the author has thought up the idea. I'm a little fuzzy on the details of how I will accomplish all of this, but I am confident it can be done.

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

Okay, ignoring the fact that I tend to post reviews on LJ and Amazon and lots of other places that will make you even famouser and get you lots of new readers...

We should gets it because it's our birthday, precious. It's our birthday, and we wants it. Nice bookses. Nice author, giving us the birthday present.

[kendokamel.livejournal.com]

I've discovered a secret panel in the back of my floor-to-ceiling bookshelf that leads to another dimension. (I know it has to lead to another dimension, since to everyone else, it appears to actually just form the wall between my kitchen and my living room.)

ANYWAY, there is some evidence (that I hesitate to post publicly, for fear of MiBs showing up at my apartment) that leads me to believe that the ONLY WAY to open the portal would be to place an ARC of MNC in exact juxtaposition to the framed photo I took of a daffodil peeking out through a blue garden gate in Southampton, England, my original copy of The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles (with the front flap of its dustjacket placed as a bookmark at page 37), my beat-up copy of Norton's Anthology of British Literature, and a 2-pound coin with the hologram side up.

If you help me open the portal, I promise to take you along on my research trips to other dimensions!

[wadam.livejournal.com]

After I read it, I plan to pulp it, then use it to create a tiny papier-mâché model of Whitehall Palace, which I will populate with a tiny living papier-mâché Tudor court, including a tiny living papier-mâché Queen Mary I (complete with tiny papier-mâché tumor). And she will eagerly burn tiny living popsicle-stick heretics at the stake.

Unfortunately, though, I suspect that her lust for burnings will result in her own quick demise, as she and her court and her palace will all be papier-mâché, and will almost assuredly burn when the popsicle-stick heretics go up in flame. Which is a shame, I think, since I would otherwise plan for it to burn under the rule of tiny papier-mâché William III of Orange, about 140 years later.

[(Anonymous)]

Midnight never comes, so the masquerade goes on forever because the masks were supposed to come off at midnight. But if midnight never comes then the masquerade goes on forever, and the masks don't ever come off, because midnight never comes so the masquerade goes on forever and the masks don't ever come off, because midnight never comes so the masquerade goes on forever and the masks don't ever come off, because midnight never comes so the masquerade goes on forever and the masks don't ever come off,.... ad infinitum.

See what happens when midnight never comes [but only breathes hard, instead]?

So be sure to send me that ARC of Midnight Never Comes so the universe as we think we know it doesn't implode from the ever-expanding entropy borne of its own confusion. I mean with the universe like *gone*, y'know, where would we *live*??

~ radish (http://duskman.wordpress.com)

[shveta-thakrar.livejournal.com]

Because if you don't, I'll think midnight will never come, and if midnight never comes, I can never sleep, and the witches will never come, either, and if the witches don't come, there can't be any more stereotypes at Hallowe'en, and a broom will just be something to clean with, not something to ride. And if midnight never comes, we'll never have a new day, so we'll be stuck in this day forever. Oh, and if I don't sleep, I will walk around like a zombie and try to eat people's brains, and that would be bad, mostly because I'm a vegetarian.

How was that for nonsensical and rambling? :)

[squishymeister.livejournal.com]

ZOMBIES

[drydem.livejournal.com]

My father was killed by a historical fantasy novel. I seek revenge.

[mindstalk.livejournal.com]

I have an Equity Lord from The Diamond Age in my apartment. The neo-Victorians are debating whether, in the interest of avoiding stasis and stagnation, they should switch their society to a neo-Elizabethan mode for a time. They want to use your book as a secondary reference regarding fictional presentations of that society.

My apartment also hosts a Fair Folk diplomat from the Ruby Court. She wants your book for intelligence on the Onyx Court. The fact that your book is fictional is not a problem for the Fair Folk -- in fact, it's a plus, if it's well done.

They are currently playing a chess-and-whist tournament. If I don't have a book for the winner by the time they're done, I get either dissolved into nanogoo or turned into a petunia. Save me!

[diatryma.livejournal.com]

Here's the thing: I'm you. We both have long hair. We both live in states starting with I-- in fact, I have lived in two of them since I met you, or rather me. We're the same person. Don't we deserve the same books?

[oddsboy.livejournal.com]

Because you shouldn't give me the copy.

-RC

[anghara.livejournal.com]

Did I ever mention that my mother is a reincarnation of Elizabeth? (well, she sure rules with an iron fist, just like Gloriana). Or, possibly, she may be from the Onyx Court. How will I ever know without the ARC...?

[moonandserpent.livejournal.com]

Because the sooner I read it, the sooner I can write slash for it. John Dee/Edward Kelly OTP!!!

Alternatively: If you don't supply an ARC, I'm going to inundate your husband with so much Vampire Pr0n that he'll be a quivering shell of a man, bereft of any use to you as a husband save, perhaps as a drooling conversation piece.

Alternatively: If you get me an ARC, I'll NEVER USE THIS LJ ICON AGAIN.

[celeber.livejournal.com]

The source of the bugs was discovered a few weeks ago. A secret room filled with black mold and swarms of tiny gnats. A pipe had broken in the secret room and fed the mold and gnats. I think it was feeding something else as well. They have removed the mold and the gnats, but I need to satiate whatever else was released. The ARC I must have it! I need it to stop the beast that has been holed up for the last 93 years. No one believes me, but I know you do. Help me stop the midnight ramblings of a 100 year old demon.