Less Is More

[swan_tower]

I just sent the first draft off to my editor; that makes the fourth Memoir a Real Thing now, ’cause other people are going to be reading it.

Doing the final polishes before kicking it out the door, I came upon one scene where I felt like I needed to amp up the emotional force a bit. So I went to the middle of the scene, stuck in a few line breaks, and started typing a new paragraph that would take what was going on and foreground it a bit more overtly. I wrote a sentence . . . started another one . . . deleted it . . . wrote a second sentence . . . started a third . . . deleted that and the second sentence . . . and after a lot of fiddling, I had a new paragraph, which I joined up to the following text. I looked it over, polished it a bit, tweaked some words — and then deleted the whole paragraph.

Because I was trying to play the wrong game.

These aren’t the sorts of books in which the narrator lays out her emotional state for the reader to marinate in. Those lines I had so much trouble writing? They were too overt. They were modern in style, rather than the buttoned-up Victorian tone I’ve been aiming for this whole time. I don’t pretend this will work for every reader, but: as far as I’m concerned, that scene has more impact, or at least more the kind of impact I’m going for, when I keep it simple. Less is more.

This is on my mind right now because my husband and I just finished watching Agent Carter, and we’re also nearing the end of the first season of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. I realized tonight that I’m starting to crave passionate, operatic, heart-on-sleeve declarations of love, because both of those shows feature a lot of very proper characters having All the Feels but never talking about it openly. I said before that I ship Peggy Carter and Edmund Jarvis in a totally platonic way, and I stand by that — but it doesn’t mean I wasn’t flailing during one of the last scenes of this last episode, with the two of them being so very Britishly reserved at one another. And my god, if Jack Robinson and Phryne Fisher don’t kiss by the end of this season, I might throw things at the TV. (A real kiss, I mean. Not a “no I only did that to keep the murderer from noticing you I swear that’s all it was” kiss.)

My reaction means the writers are doing their jobs correctly, of course. And this is the thing romance and horror have in common: they both carry more impact if they tease you for a while first, hinting at stuff and building it slowly before finally delivering the emotional payoff. If you rush the process, it doesn’t work as well. But if you play the tension right, if you see only hints of the monster or the occasional Meaningful Gaze between the characters . . . then you don’t need an enormous payoff to get a lot of energy out of it. One kiss can work as well as — or better than — the characters falling into bed; one brief shot of the monster’s face can horrify you more than seeing the entire thing.

When it’s done well, I adore this sort of thing. Too steady of a diet, though, and I start feeling like I need some characters with a bit less self-control. But tell me: what are your favorite “oh my god this tiny thing was so incredibly meaningful” emotional payoffs in a story, or your favorite “and then we pulled out all of the stops and fired up the jet engines and went so far over the top we couldn’t even see it with binoculars” moments?

Originally published at Swan Tower. You can comment here or there.

Comments

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Just about everything with Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill in Stargate SG1.

Especially when they had those alien devices on their wrists and it failed for Carter and he refused to leave her behind. And in a subsequent episode where they were thought to be unknowing spies because they weren't divulging something about that mission.

And... oh well all of it, yeah?

Need to think for another example.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I love every single emotional reaction Michael Kitchen has as Christopher Foyle. Every single twitch of eyebrow and lip. They are so beautifully understated, and also he reminds me of my grandpa. But really: I watch a lot of cop shows (no, really, a lot), and Christopher Foyle's lip twitches display more disgust with evil than any American Coastal detective's rant ever has (or, I suspect, ever could). He draws that line in a way that others do not even seem to be aiming for.

[findabair.livejournal.com]

The reconciliation between Stephen Maturin and Jack Aubrey in Post Captain, the second book in Patrick O'Brien's Aubrey/Maturin series. The reconciliation is achieved through one beautiful line of dialogue at the end of a chapter; as the next chapter opens, the story has moved on and they are back to being best of friends. My reaction varies between satisfaction - awwww <3 - and frustration - that was it??!!.

[ladybird97.livejournal.com]

Two presidential relationships: the one between Roslin and Adama in BSG, and the President and First Lady in The West Wing (at least, before West Wing went off the rails!)

The one particular moment that sticks with me is in The State Dinner, in Season 1 of West Wing. It's the first we've seen of the First Lady, and the relationship that she and the President have in that episode is all about the understated moments that show just how well they know each other and how good they are at balancing their public and private selves.

There's a moment when several crises are coming to a head at once, and the President storms off to shout at someone who doesn't really deserve it, and one of the staff asks the First Lady "Why is he doing that?" Without missing a beat, she answers, "Because he can't stop a hurricane and he can't save a shooting victim."

Then at the end of the episode, when the President is talking to someone trapped in the hurricane, he and the First Lady reach silently for each other's hands and hold on tight, never saying a word to each other.

They have to maintain their public selves through the whole episode, but you can see their deep love and intimacy just beneath the surface of it all.

I also share your love for the finale of Agent Carter, and for the glorious British restraint of the relationship between Peggy and Jarvis. SO WONDERFUL.

[alecaustin.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord, Foyle's expressions. Michael Kitchen gets them so right.

[mindstalk.livejournal.com]

"Call me Lafiel!" -- Crest of the Stars. I'm not sure the main chars have advanced to holding hands yet, and certainly not kissing on screen, though L will take leave to follow J to his home planet to avoid losing him again.

Twelve Kingdoms -- Youko takes Sekiraku as her reign name, incorporating Rakushun's name via a pun in the way Japanese is so good at. You could view that as both subtle and over the top at the same time...

Haruhi Suzumiya -- Kyon, an ordinary human, blackmails a Cosmic Entity to protect someone he cares about -- and she's not even his love interest (though he's hers, kind of.) The mechanism is pretty subtle IIRC, simply threatening to tell Haruhi "I am John Smith." It makes total sense if you remember all the context.

[davidgoldfarb.livejournal.com]

Well, people have been posting "restrained", so let me post an "over-the-top":
Tarvek kisses Agatha Heterodyne the Girl Genius (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20120713)
followed by
Tarvek declares his love (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20120718).

[renrenren3]

You might want to bubble-wrap your TV for safety during the next few episodes, Miss Fisher is a terrible offender in regards to teasing. Both the show and the character. Which is part of why I love it so much, and at the same time I want to smush the characters' faces together and just be done with it already.

As for tiny and incredibly meaningful moments, my favourite is the relationship between Dr Turner and Bernadette in the first seasons of Call The Midwife. Everything is so prim and proper and above board for so many episodes because, well, she's a nun and she's feeling conflicted about her vows and there's lots of other obstacles. Until he kisses her hand, which is his way of losing control. After that they can't go back or deny it any more, it's such a small and subtle gesture but it beats any dramatic Hollywood kisses or passionate declarations. (I flailed so much every time their relationship progressed.)

[6-penny.livejournal.com]

Please read the Phryne Fisher books. They are so much more satisfying then the TV version.
And the audio books have a teriffic reader.