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Not Being a Creeper: Two Examples
Aug. 9th, 2012 10:35 pmJohn Scalzi has posted An Incomplete Guide to Not Creeping, i.e. how not to be that guy women avoid at cons. He's got a number of good points -- but I wanted to follow up by giving two examples, of situations I've been in where it could have been creepy and wasn't.
See, sometimes you get guys responding to this kind of thing by wailing that they'll never be able to compliment a woman again, or whatever. And that just isn't the case. You can say nice things to a woman, or even touch her -- or even try to hit on her! -- without weirding her out. Here's how.
( Example 1: the sweet fellow at the concert )
( Example 2: offering a backrub )
So: guys! You are allowed to say nice things, to indicate interest, to offer touch! The key is not to push. Give the woman her space (which includes not approaching her at all if the circumstances aren't right), pay attention to the signals she gives in return, and if you're rebuffed, don't take it personally. She doesn't owe you anything. Speaking for myself, I can't recall a single instance where I've been offended by a guy who accepted my lack of interest. The offensive ones are the ones who ignore those cues and keep trying.
But remember, too, that I am speaking for myself here. I do not speak for All Women, and there may well be comments on this post expressing different views. This is why the #1 key to not being a creeper is to actually get to know the woman in question -- to learn what she's interested in, where her boundaries are, and so on -- before you venture anything that might come across as forward. Until you know that, play it safe.
See, sometimes you get guys responding to this kind of thing by wailing that they'll never be able to compliment a woman again, or whatever. And that just isn't the case. You can say nice things to a woman, or even touch her -- or even try to hit on her! -- without weirding her out. Here's how.
( Example 1: the sweet fellow at the concert )
( Example 2: offering a backrub )
So: guys! You are allowed to say nice things, to indicate interest, to offer touch! The key is not to push. Give the woman her space (which includes not approaching her at all if the circumstances aren't right), pay attention to the signals she gives in return, and if you're rebuffed, don't take it personally. She doesn't owe you anything. Speaking for myself, I can't recall a single instance where I've been offended by a guy who accepted my lack of interest. The offensive ones are the ones who ignore those cues and keep trying.
But remember, too, that I am speaking for myself here. I do not speak for All Women, and there may well be comments on this post expressing different views. This is why the #1 key to not being a creeper is to actually get to know the woman in question -- to learn what she's interested in, where her boundaries are, and so on -- before you venture anything that might come across as forward. Until you know that, play it safe.
