brain bunnies

So last night I write a little over 2300 words on A Natural History of Dragons, and then it's Very Late, so I go to bed, and lie there for a little while, and then get up and go back to the computer and type in this:

I'm one of those people who, soon as you tell me not to do something, I turn around and do it. Because fuck you, even if you are a friend. And Tia wasn't that much of a friend.

So I'm talking about how I'm bored with the Meltdown and there's this old club over on Hall I might check out, and she says I shouldn't, and we argue about it a bit until she says -- only half-joking -- "J, I forbid you to go," and that's it: to hell with her. Which I say. So she storms off, and I pin up my favorite skirt with some giant safety pins, braid gold LEDs into my hair, and go off to see what this old club is like. Because fuck Tia, and anybody else who tells me what to do.

I'm not sure why my brain decided that 4:30 in the morning after 2300 words of novel was the ideal time to mug me with a framework and two opening paragraphs for a "Tam Lin" retelling that could possibly cruise all the way through without having any fantastical content whatsoever (only then where would I sell it?) . . . but that's how it goes, sometimes.

The funny thing is, I've had the opening page and a half for a "Tam Lin" sequel story hanging out in my "unfinished" folder for years now. And now I'm wondering if what I need to do is throw out everything but the first line ("Faerie trouble never really goes away."), splice a bit of fantastical content into the story up above, and then link these two together.

Well, no need to decide right away. I have several deadlines breathing down my neck which take first priority. But it's a thought for the future.

Revisiting the Wheel of Time: Crossroads of Twilight

[This is part of a series analyzing Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time novels. Previous installments can be found under the tag. Comments on old posts are welcome, but please, no spoilers for books after this one.]

This is the book that killed me.

Prior to the publication of Crossroads of Twilight, I was willing (if not happy) to wait two or three years for each Wheel of Time book, slowly plodding my way toward the conclusion. After this one, I was done. I would not pick the series up again until the end was in sight -- as indeed has been the case. All the way through this re-read, I've been bagging on CoT, dreading its arrival . . . but wondering, subconsciously, if maybe I had mis-remembered; maybe it was just the disappointment of having waited more than two years, or the disconnect caused by not re-reading previous books, and it wasn't really as bad as I thought.

Reader, I did not mis-remember.

This book is, from beginning to end, the Catastrophic Failure Mode of Epic Fantasy Pacing. It is everything I've been critiquing since The Fires of Heaven, writ extra large, with underlining. Hell -- to the best of my knowledge, it is the one book about which Jordan ever publicly admitted, "you know, maybe that wasn't a good idea." Given the flaws I've been pointing out along the way, that admission should tell you something.

Going into it, I wondered how I should approach analyzing this book. What could I say that I hadn't already said before? I suppose this post could consist of me tearing out my hair and going "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH," but that's not too helpful. Instead I decided to approach this systematically: reading the book, I noted down the number of pages in each chapter, the point of view character(s), and, in no more than one sentence, what important events take place. What changes in the chapter? What new thing do the characters (or the readers) learn? What fresh problem starts, or old problem concludes? Having done that, I now have a wealth of evidence to back me up when I tell you:

NOTHING BLOODY HAPPENS IN THIS BOOK.

( And I don't just mean in the hyperbolic way people usually accuse this series of. )

You want to know something funny? In the copy I read, the story is 680 pages long. Except that, like most books, it doesn't actually start on page 1. In this case, it starts on page 15.

Which would make Crossroads of Twilight 666 pages long.

It really is the devil.

<sigh of relief> Okay. I made it over the hurdle. Everything after this, including New Spring, is stuff I haven't read before. I was thinking of speeding up my pace -- one month per book, rather than two -- since once the plot gets moving again I'll probably be eager to see it through to the end, but then I found out that apparently the final book has been pushed back to March, instead of November. I'll probably still do New Spring next month, using it to make up for the total lack of interest in Crossroads of Twilight, but if I otherwise keep on at my current pace (and Tor doesn't have any more delays), I'll arrive at A Memory of Light right when it's published. That seems fitting.

Ten books down. Four (and a half) to go.

I can make it.