If both partners are drunk, and in the morning one of them wakes up and feels violated and the other wakes up and recalls, blearily, that it was awesome, does that mean that the first was not raped? If one person feels raped, does that mean that the other person is automatically a rapist, regardless of the circumstances? Heck, what if *both* partners feel violated in the morning? Does that make them both rape survivors and both rapists?
This is why no one should have sex while drunk, ever, period. But people are going to anyway.
I'm also aware that there was a lot of male privilege in that paragraph, because my concern is whether or not I'm going to be unfairly accused of a crime, not whether or not I'm going to be coerced into sex through emotional or physical violence.
Which is why it's easy for you to say it's not so simple. And you really should not be comfortable with your privilege.
It seems to me that we should disentangle violation and rape.
How can we distangle violation and rape? Rape is a violation, of the body and often of the mind and spirit as well. There is no distangling them from each other.
One person's feelings don't necessarily reflect another person's reality.
It's the victim's feelings that must be the basis of reality in these cases. It is the only way we will ever be able to dispel rape myths and take apart rape culture. This is, again, male privilege speaking. You really should go read jimhines's posts on rape... he's a man who actually gets it.
It's a very, very slippery slope when one starts saying "well what about the perpetrator's feelings? Does he feel like a rapist?" How many rapists feel like rapists? How many men who take advantage of rape culture and rape myths feel like rapists? How far from this until we're back to "well look at what she was wearing, anyway, obviously he's not a rapist because the way she dressed made him feel like she wanted it, and his feelings are more important than hers"?
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This is why no one should have sex while drunk, ever, period. But people are going to anyway.
I'm also aware that there was a lot of male privilege in that paragraph, because my concern is whether or not I'm going to be unfairly accused of a crime, not whether or not I'm going to be coerced into sex through emotional or physical violence.
Which is why it's easy for you to say it's not so simple. And you really should not be comfortable with your privilege.
It seems to me that we should disentangle violation and rape.
How can we distangle violation and rape? Rape is a violation, of the body and often of the mind and spirit as well. There is no distangling them from each other.
One person's feelings don't necessarily reflect another person's reality.
It's the victim's feelings that must be the basis of reality in these cases. It is the only way we will ever be able to dispel rape myths and take apart rape culture. This is, again, male privilege speaking. You really should go read
It's a very, very slippery slope when one starts saying "well what about the perpetrator's feelings? Does he feel like a rapist?" How many rapists feel like rapists? How many men who take advantage of rape culture and rape myths feel like rapists? How far from this until we're back to "well look at what she was wearing, anyway, obviously he's not a rapist because the way she dressed made him feel like she wanted it, and his feelings are more important than hers"?