"It seems to me that we should disentangle violation and rape. [....] Rape is a crime with civic penalties."

I'm a woman and a feminist, and I agree with this. The government should stay out of my uterus -- and not try to read my mind, either. Whether a man committed a crime, should not depend on my secret thoughts and feelings at that time, if I couldn't be bothered to try to communicate them at that time.

Perhaps the definition of a 'crime' shouldn't depend on either party's intentions, but on both parties' objective actions.