The estimates put the number of rapists at anywhere from 1 in 13 (Lisak and Miller's study) to 1 in 6 (McWhorter's study)*, and the numbers suggest that it's probably on the higher rather than the lower side. Given that most of us know at least 13 men... yeah.
IME, it was pretty damn easy to condemn the rapist in our midst when he came to light. I think my reaction was "holy fuuuuuuuuck" when my friend told me what he'd done, no question. It meant I lost a huge section of my friend's group, but I was so grossed out that they'd keep a rapist among them that I didn't even mind that much. I do, a little, now-- I'm pissed off and disgusted with them and even kind of worried, because he gave me the heebie jeebies (he never hit on me, out of the entire group, "because you're such an alpha!" another friend said, which I found weird and super-creepy and they thought was kind of charming because I intimidated him). They thought I was reactionary and jumping to conclusions (buh?) but I was like, it's in my own best interest not to hang out with a rapist. I'm still friends with the victim, but it wasn't even about supporting my friend and "picking a side." I mean, I did because that's what people should do, but quite simply: I was friends with a rapist and he had to go. For my own safety. I would never be able to let my guard down around him, and that defeats the point of being friends.
I'm sure I have another rapist in my social circle. It just feels so inevitable.
*These numbers really only studied college-age men.
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IME, it was pretty damn easy to condemn the rapist in our midst when he came to light. I think my reaction was "holy fuuuuuuuuck" when my friend told me what he'd done, no question. It meant I lost a huge section of my friend's group, but I was so grossed out that they'd keep a rapist among them that I didn't even mind that much. I do, a little, now-- I'm pissed off and disgusted with them and even kind of worried, because he gave me the heebie jeebies (he never hit on me, out of the entire group, "because you're such an alpha!" another friend said, which I found weird and super-creepy and they thought was kind of charming because I intimidated him). They thought I was reactionary and jumping to conclusions (buh?) but I was like, it's in my own best interest not to hang out with a rapist. I'm still friends with the victim, but it wasn't even about supporting my friend and "picking a side." I mean, I did because that's what people should do, but quite simply: I was friends with a rapist and he had to go. For my own safety. I would never be able to let my guard down around him, and that defeats the point of being friends.
I'm sure I have another rapist in my social circle. It just feels so inevitable.
*These numbers really only studied college-age men.