I don't have any answers, but these are fascinating questions! Some of which I hadn't heard laid out so clearly as that -- your first line about women really struck me. So did the pattern about faerie women and mortal men, which I can't think of any exceptions to off the top of my head but will certainly be pondering. And certainly the urban fantasy syncretism of tossing everything under a neo-Celtic-esque umbrella an ongoing -- well, problem, though I hate to just put it that way and imply I don't love some of the works that have resulted, but it absolutely does a disservice to a whole lot of folkloric frameworks that don't fit in that Seelie/Unseelie etc model. I'd definitely be interested to read a reworked version of this talk.